Why I would not be a good medical student

As I've been watching Bekah work and study and excel in what she is doing this semester, I've come to a couple of conclusions.

Conclusion #1 - my wife is an amazing woman, with an amazing mind, who does amazing things.

Conclusion #2 - while I'm no dummy (after all, I have extra letters after my name too), I would make a lousy med student.

Here's some reasons why,

Reason #1:  I do not have the long-term ability to sit and focus and study and compartmentalize information the way she has to.  When I was going through my graduate work, I DID put in long hours, practicing and composing.  VERY different disciplines than what she is doing on a daily basis.  My long hours were spent concentrating on creativity and physical activity (practice).  Developing artistic expression.  I love that stuff.  I thrive on it.  I hated the classroom stuff I had to do - graduate level music history was the bane of my existence.  I dreaded it, I put it off as long as I could, and I got by with the minimal amount of work necessary to pass.  

On the other hand, I watch Bekah.  She puts in horrendous amounts of time - for the current unit (hematology and neoplasms or some such - has to do with blood and circulatory disorders) she's been spending probably an AVERAGE of 10 to 12 hours daily "in the books."  Not only does she have an 800 page coursepack chock full of data and information and cases and examples and slides, but she also is expected to collect, collate, and memorize all of the drugs related to blood disorders, their side effects, mechanisms, and what disorders they are used for, any important interactions, etc.  Plus she has to do the same for all the different types of disorders, diseases, cancers, etc.  I'm sure I'm missing something in there somewhere too.  And she has to do it all over a four-week period of time, for ONE test that will be 120 questions in length, and is pass / fail.

I struggled to spend more than a couple hours in sequence studying data intensive stuff like this.  While she doesn't exactly love the amount of time she spends, at the same time, I see her thriving on the process.  She loves to make detailed charts, diagrams, color-coded flash cards, tables, etc.  Her mind is extremely good at organizing data and memorizing it for later recall.  

Reason #2:  I am a scatterbrained nutty-professor type.  I do not like structure, and I especially do not like operating under the strictures of a tight calendar and firm deadlines and such.  I like to work from inspiration, to follow the muse, if you will. 

Unfortunately, in medical school, there is no muse.  It is literally their way or fail.  Show up on time or get written up in the professionalism log.  Meet the deadline or fail and have to do it over again.  Pass the test or "remediate" (one of my favorite med school terms for "take it again because you didn't pass it the first time").  Which makes sense - you can't follow the muse when a patient is on the operating table - you do things in the right order at the right time with the right tools or someone dies. 

Fortunately, this is how Bekah thinks.  It is NOT how I think.  

Reason #3:  I am lousy at playing the game.  I want people to value me and my contributions for what they are.  I don't want to have to jump through a bunch of hoops just so that I can do what I want to do.  One of the reasons I didn't particularly like academia, even though I worked in that world for 14 years.

Med school is filled with hoop jumping.  Some of it relevant (obviously, you need to know your anatomy to be a doctor), but some of it definitely not so relevant.  Some of it "you are going to do this because we say you have to".  In elementary school, we called it busy work.  Bekah calls it "stupid stuff that wastes time I could be using to study."  :)  Yet, she is playing the game, and playing it well.  You see, I think she actually likes medicine enough that she is willing to put up with a certain amount of gamesmanship in order to get to where she wants to be at the end.  I'm just not that way.

Ultimately, that's why Bekah is succeeding in her second year of medical school and I am at home taking care of the kids, teaching piano lessons and doing my church stuff, and supporting her every way that I can.

We do balance each other well...she is a pessimist (she'll say she's a realist).  I'm an optimist.  She is organized, I am scatterbrained.  She is a rules and structure person, I'm a follow-my-heart-and-my-gut kindof guy.  

That's why people like me end up with degrees in music, not medicine.  And why I would not be a good medical student.

Disappointment with the rhetoric of the right...

The election has come and gone.  The president has been re-elected.

As someone who considers himself a conservative politically, I found this disappointing; however, there have been some recent things I've seen and heard from folks on the right (conservatives, Tea Party types, and "Christians") that have certainly made me question the intentions of many of those who are outspoken "conservatives."

While I may disagree with some of the policies of the current administration and the democratic (liberal) party, particularly when it comes to their approaches to taxes, spending, some social issues, and national debt, that doesn't mean that I allow myself to demean, degrade, or in other ways do things to try to make them out as evil people.  That isn't my job - judgement for those folks is, ultimately, in the hands of God, to whom they will eventually have to answer for their actions and their choices.

Many voices on the right during the election were speaking out in volumes against the negative advertising coming from President Obama's campaign - claiming that his campaign was much more about making Mitt Romney out to be an evil rich businessman who was out of touch with normal people, wanted the worst for women, and wanted to take away people's jobs and ship them overseas, than it was about showing a positive light on the President's record or goals for the future of our country.  That's a topic for another whole post...but since the election ended, I have heard and read a great deal of vitriol coming from the same folks who were critical of the President's negative campaign, directed towards the president and those in his party.  Things that have been extremely negative and demeaning and, quite frankly, churlish and immature behavior.

I occasionally listen to a conservative radio host whose program airs in the mornings.  Yesterday, as I was driving to pick up my son from preschool, I was horrified to listen to the host and his associates discussing the governor of New Jersey.  They began by making fun of his weight in a way that reminded me of things I heard in elementary school.  Then they began mocking his appearance with President Obama during the aftermath of hurricane Sandy.  Ultimately, they shifted over to taking the same kind of potshots at the president, to the point of making crude sexual jokes about both men.  Needless to say, I found their conversation crude and offensive.  Then they had the audacity to ask their listeners to donate money to their program so that they can expand.  My thought was, why would I want to send money to you so that you can do more of THIS?  How does THIS behavior do ANYTHING to promote conservative values, or to help bridge the obvious gap in our nation between conservative and liberal folks?  It does nothing but hurt, demean, and destroy.

I also recently saw an article posted by one of my wife's friends on Facebook.  It was a response (called a "fact check") to a blog post written by an individual from the "Christian Men's Defense Network."  The original blog post has evidently been taken down; for the sake of decency, I will avoid posting a link to either the original blog or the fact check (if you really want to read it, you can find it on your own).  I was appalled to read that the original blogger, posting under the guise of being a conservative Christian person, wrote a fairly lengthy article detailing that he felt Obama won the election because he won the "slut vote".  I found the pieces of the original article that are floating around the internet to be extremely offensive; and yet I remember another noted conservative radio host going on about the exact same topic (albeit with less blatantly offensive language) around the time when the whole issue of contraception became a big part of the election debate.

In addition to these two obviously appalling instances, I have seen many, many casual Facebook posts (and comments) from friends and acquaintances of mine who consider themselves conservatives, that have contained large amounts of vitriol, angst, anger, and rhetoric that, to me, shows nothing but intellectual cowardice and ignorance.  I have seen instances of friendships being damaged or ruined by comments like these.  This is NOT the way of wisdom and healing.  It only serves to further widen the divide between conservative and liberal, between the right and the left.  It is no wonder our government is gridlocked and nothing can ever seem to get accomplished!

I remain a conservative thinker; however, my respect for much of the conservative media and voices in our nation has diminished considerably.  I can only hope and pray that those on the left do not paint me with the same brush as they paint these few outspoken individuals....because my intent is to approach debates with intellectual integrity, to discuss differences without demeaning others, and to respect people whose opinions are different from my own.

I may not be able to persuade people to think like I do, but I can certainly make a much better impression on them - as a conservative, Christian person - by relating to them with love and respect than I can by demeaning them and treating them with derision.  Perhaps the next election cycle will swing things back in a direction I would prefer, but if it does not, it isn't the end of my world.  My role as a Christian is to respect the authorities and support them - remembering that they are there because God allowed them to be.  Let me issue a call to other conservatives - please, think before you speak, especially if you have influence on a national level.  Discourse and dialogue are much more effective ways to get your ideas across than are name calling and denigration.  And ultimately, if you disagree with the party in power, see what you can do to change it in the future.  Calling them names demonstrates nothing but immaturity.

 

A vent about the election

Ok, so this post has little or nothing to do with being a medical student's husband.  So be it...this has been on my mind, and I really want to get it out.

First of all, let me preface this by saying that this is the first election that I have paid close attention to - and I mean really close attention to.  I have been reading the news as presented by multiple sources (while I consider myself a conservative, I do not limit myself to only the "conservative" media like fox news and the talk radio guys).  I have watched the debates.  (Ok, only a little of the second presidential one because the Tigers game was on, but after the game I read the entire transcript of the debate).  I have become a voracious consumer of all kinds of political news and information.  And I have decided to become the most informed voter I possibly can.

In the process of all of this, I have become dismayed with a few things.

1)  I struggle with the obvious evidence of media bias - in both directions.  The media is supposed to be impartial.  Yet, I can visit CNN.COM and FOX news and read an article about the exact same debate or the exact same event, and sometimes it doesn't even sound like the reporters were on the same planet, let alone in the same room watching the same thing I saw on TV in real time.  I am not opposed to people having political leanings, but if you are reporting news, you should be reporting what happens, not spinning it in such a way as to help your favorite candidate (or hurt the other guy).  The media bias is something that someone like me who really digs into everything can see through and work through, but for the average person out there who gets the bulk of his information from a single news source, be it FOX News, CNN, NPR, or one of the other major networks, that person will be getting a partial picture, at best, of the political landscape.

2)  I struggle with the attitude of our sitting president and his campaign.  I certainly do not agree with many of his policies, and his record over the last four years (and the state of the economy) speaks for itself.  He has promoted an intentionally liberal agenda with lots of borrowing, bigger government, more control and regulation, and some outright attacks on some values I hold dear.  It is pretty clear to me who I am going to vote for.  However, the thing I struggle with most in this campaign season is the intentional defamation of his opponent on many levels - personal, professional, religious, etc.  I want a president who I feel has great integrity and professionalism.  I want a president I feel like I can trust with the future of my country.  The debt statistics alone are frightening, as I look at the future for my four kids.  Yet the campaign has, by and large, been more about smearing his opponent and trying to make him look bad, trying to make Mitt Romney into some kind of awful human being, than it has been about showing us how our current president is qualified for four more years in office.  This kind of elementary-school playground name calling is what the campaign has boiled down to - it's all the president can do, since he really doesn't have a strong record to run on.  And I feel like that is just sad to see.

3)  I struggle with the way advertisers can spin things almost any way they want to in an effort to promote an agenda.  Here in Michigan, I think this is made most obvious by the huge amounts of advertising dollars being spent to promote the ballot proposals.  Many times in the past, I've pretty much blown over the ballot proposals, but this year, I think they are really truly significant, as many of them involve amendments to the state constitution - which is much more broad, sweeping change than simply a yes or no about marijuana or an increased millage to support the zoo.  The advertisements I hear for Proposal 2, Proposal 5, and Proposal 6 make it sound so good, and for the average consumer of news and politics, they will hear those ads and say, yeah, that sounds great!  However, the long-term ramifications of some of these proposals are downright frightening.

That's what I want to spend the rest of this post talking about.  The presidential election will take care of itself, but here in Michigan, I feel like I need to do my part to help people understand what's really going on with the proposals and why I think there are some real dangers here.

A friend of mine posted an article on Facebook recently that looks at the ballot proposals - you can access it here.  I encourage everyone to read that article - it spelled out the intent (and the dangers behind) the proposals quite clearly.

The ads for prop 5 and 6 are particularly misleading.  They present all the evils of raising taxes and government spending money on a bridge, and paint a pretty picture - vote Yes on 5 to make it harder for politicians to raise taxes.  Vote Yes on 6 because the people should decide whether or not we build a big bridge.  Here's the problem with these proposals.  They actually serve the needs of a very small group of people, not the electorate at large.

A Yes vote on proposal 5 will require a super majority (at least 2/3) vote in both Michigan houses to raise taxes.  Isn't that a good thing?  Well, it depends on how you look at it.  Yes, it makes it harder to raise taxes.  But it gives a lot more power to the minority party in the state legislature.  Now, instead of needing a 51% vote to block new tax legislature, we only need a 37% vote to block new tax legislature.  This defaults the constitution to allow a much smaller minority of votes to be able to block significant new legislation.  In essence, it provides substantially more power to the minority party, whichever party that is, to prevent tax legislation from passing that it doesn't like.  This, to me, is NOT what I want in a representational government system.  I don't want my representative to be able to be over-ruled by only 1/3 of the legislature.  If things worked that way in real life, everyone would scream and throw a fit.  People hear the ads say, "it makes it harder to raise taxes" - but that certainly isn't the whole picture...

Proposal 6 requires a state-wide vote to approve any new international crossings - bridges, tunnels, etc.  The ads claim that the government wants to spend all of this money on a bridge, and that we shouldn't let them do it.  But do you know who is behind the ballot proposal, and who is funding the bulk of the advertising supporting it?  The owner of the Ambassador Bridge in Detroit - who makes millions of dollars every year from the tolls charged for people to drive over it.  If a new government-owned bridge is built, it is competition for him.  He obviously doesn't want that, and is trying to block it by creating this ballot proposal, and marketing it in a way that makes it sound like it would be good for everyone.  The problem is, it's a constitutional amendment again.  Now, am I in favor of a bridge being built using taxpayer funds?  Not necessarily, but I most certainly do NOT want to change the state constitution just to stop it, especially since the only person who really gains from this is the owner of the Ambassador Bridge.

Proposal 2 is a little murkier, but I still have problems with it.  Again, it's a constitutional amendment.  Am I against collective bargaining?  No.  But I definitely do NOT want it written into the state constitution.  Too sweeping a change, with incredible long-term ramifications.  The advertising paints it as "if you believe in unions, and you want to help our police, fire fighters, and school teachers, you'll vote for prop 2."  The reality is, the proposal grants unions significant power, including the right to supersede state rules if a union local wants to.  Too much power given to too many small groups of people, and the potential for confusion and tons of legal issues is huge.  It essentially allows labor unions to write their own rules in many cases, and to do so without having to answer to the state.

I encourage everyone in Michigan to actually read the proposals.  Research them.  Find out what's REALLY going on - not just what you hear on the conflicting radio and TV ads.  I believe that some of these proposals, if passed, could cause more issues in the future for our state than the outcome of the presidential election.

I'm almost done with my election vent...let me just say, no matter who you support for president, no matter what side of things you stand on, whether you are a conservative, a liberal, a democrat, a republican, or an independent, we have been given an incredible privilege in this country.  The privilege to participate in choosing our government.  The privilege to have a voice.  The privilege to be part of the most unique system of government in the world.  Please, take advantage of that privilege.  Educate yourself.  Read about the candidates.  Read about the proposals.  Expose yourself to the viewpoints and perspectives of both sides, so that you can make a truly informed choice.  Then, show up at the ballot box on November 6 and cast your vote.  If you don't, you have absolutely no reason to complain, regardless of the outcome.

Some thoughts on traditional vs. non-traditional gender roles

It's been too long since I posted...this one has been brewing for a while in my head.  I may update and revise it as more of these thoughts gel in my head, but for now, here are some thoughts regarding Christianity and the typical perspectives on gender roles of men and women.

I grew up in the 1970's and 80's in a very traditional conservative Christian home.  My wife and I were both raised with somewhat similar teaching and perspective on the appropriate roles of men and women in society - men are traditionally supposed to be the primary breadwinners and be out of the home, earning money and establishing a career, while women are traditionally the caregivers - staying home, raising children, managing the home, etc.  Men could do whatever they wanted to, but women were limited to a very few occupations that were considered "ok" or "appropriate", especially in the Christian church.

Women could be nurses (that's ok, because nurses care for people, and nursing can be a flexible schedule that can work well around raising kids), school teachers (again, this is ok - you have summers off, and the schedule can work well with a family), church secretaries, and a few other things, but other more lucrative (and "significant"?) careers for women were (and still are) often frowned upon - which is why you didn't see many Christian women doctors, lawyers, business professionals, etc.  Plus, Christian women were discouraged from working outside the home until their kids were mostly out of the house.  Perhaps the 50's era TV shows like Leave it to Beaver and other similar "family friendly" shows capture this stereotype the best - the wife is supposed to spend her days being domestic - cleaning the house, folding laundry, making cookies and milk for the kids to snack on after school, putting a nice dinner on the table for the family right when dad gets home from work, and doing all of this with a smile.

But where did this idea of the "appropriate" roles of men and women come from?  Is this a biblical perspective?  Or is it the result of cultural pressures coming from an improper understanding of gender roles?  As a man, my perspective on this has changed significantly, and I see it as something that the church as a whole is starting to deal with in a more appropriate way; however, there is still a lot of stereotyping, intentional or not, that happens, often with the best of intentions.  It has been very interesting to see and hear the comments and perspectives that have come out in conversations I've had regarding what I do and what my wife is doing right now (full time med student).

You see, we have an almost complete reversal of the "traditional" roles of men and women.  She is at school and "working" on becoming a doctor - studying much of the time, out of the house a great deal, and certainly not fitting into the stereotypical "Christian woman" mold.  I, on the other hand, am spending more time at home with the kids, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, grocery shopping, and keeping the house running so that my wife can pursue her calling.  This doesn't mean that I do not work - I do - but I am certainly not following the traditional male stereotype either.

So how do I view my role as husband / father?  I remember reading a book by Charlie Peacock - entitled New Way to be Human.  Charlie was talking about his view of the role of the husband being to help make his wife into who she is supposed to be.  I spent the first several years of our marriage watching Bekah trying to figure out who she was supposed to be, and seeing her being frustrated by the "traditional" role of wife and mom that she felt forced on her by the traditional conservative Christian culture.  I saw in her an incredible mind, a strong desire to pursue medicine, and a frustration that it was something she felt like she wasn't allowed to do because she was a wife and mom, and a good Christian wife and mom just didn't do those things.

When I read Charlie's book, it was kindof a turning point for me, in that I realized that part of my role as husband was to help Bekah realize who she was called to be.  And it had become pretty clear to me that my wife, for many years, had wanted to be a doctor, but felt like she either wasn't allowed to be or that there was just no way it could happen, since we had (at the time) three kids.  I encouraged her to start thinking outside the box, pursue her prerequisite classes, and see what God might make possible.  One thing led to another (a story for another blog post) and we are where we are today.  :)

I often get strange looks and interesting comments when I'm asked what I do.  Since our culture seems to equate occupation / career with identity, at least for many men, I think I surprise a lot of people when I tell them that I am a professional musician supporting my wife as she attends medical school.  When the conversation goes on and they learn that I get the kids ready for school, shop for and prepare all of our family's meals, clean the house, do the laundry, etc., I'm often asked if that is weird.  Translation:  "I think that is weird, am I right?"  Is it weird?  I don't think so. 

I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out what/where the scriptural precedent for the woman being home with the kids and the man being the breadwinner comes from.  Yes, male and female roles are different in scripture, as evidenced from Adam and Eve's interactions in Genesis, but there is nowhere in the Bible where anything is said that implies that a woman's place is in the home with the kids, while a man's role is to be out making a career and earning a living.  As a matter of fact, a candid reading of Proverbs 31 (often used as a blueprint for "the Christian woman" in mainstream Christian culture) would reveal someone who supports her family, earns money, has great business acumen, and is respected and revered by her husband and children.  I don't see anything in that list that implies that a woman shouldn't be a doctor (or any other high profile occupation).  When I think about Bekah and the choices we have made as a couple and family, I see her fulfilling much more of the Proverbs 31 "list" today, as a full-time medical student, than she was four years ago as a full-time mom. 

I think that cultural influence has played a huge role in how male and female roles have evolved.  Jewish culture had very prescribed roles for men and women; Arab views on the roles of women are even more restricted and severe.  Considering the time that much of scripture was written, I think it is surprising (and perhaps instructive) that the Bible is strangely silent regarding prescribed roles for women in the church. 

I have come to the conclusion that this is what my pastor (Louie Konopka) would call a minor - something that many people feel strongly about, but is not scriptural or doctrinal.  It is a powerful cultural standard that implies that women are supposed to be at home, but it is by no means a scriptural mandate, nor is it a scriptural mandate that I need to be out "in the work force" building a career.  I have been given the opportunity to support my wife and family with a very flexible work arrangement that allows me to earn good money, mostly from home, while having the ability to be there for my kids and to support my wife's journey toward becoming who she is supposed to be.

I will close this post with a little story.  I was in the grocery store with three of our four kids a few weeks ago.  Anyone who has been through Meijers with children in tow knows that it can become quite a production, especially if the kids are trying to "help".  I had both boys trying very hard to help as I was going through the checkout lane, with my box of coupons and my detailed grocery list in my phone.  I actually  had one woman ask me, "where is their mom?"  Not because the kids were being naughty or obnoxious - just because she thought it was abnormal for a guy to take his kids shopping for a cart and a half full of groceries.  She said as much.  I told her that Bekah was at MSU studying to be a doctor.  She responded to this very negatively - while I don't remember the exact wording of what she said, it was something to the effect of "she has no business doing that and leaving you with all these kids!"  I just smiled and thanked her for her input, all the while doing my best to avoid saying something really nasty in response.  :)

I believe that I'm doing what I should be doing - I am providing leadership for my family through the act of supporting my wife and helping her become who she is supposed to be.  Is it a perfect arrangement?  No.  We are still trying to figure out how God wants us to do everything, but I am confident that the choices we've made are appropriate and we are where we are supposed to be.  For those who have differing opinions than those I've expressed here, I would welcome honest dialogue - but please avoid basing arguments on issues of cultural propriety - God is a God of today, and He and His word and His will transcend anything culture might think about anything. 

And if you are interested in a good read, check out Charlie Peacock's "New Way to be Human."  It will help you examine a lot of life issues from a fresh perspective.






 
 

Year # two - here we go!

In honor of my wife's new effort to blog more frequently, I'm going to try to do the same.  I will probably not be as successful as she is, but I will make an effort nonetheless.

Here are my top 3 thoughts and reflections on year #1 of my journey through life as the husband of a med student...

1)  Before we started this, many people told us how awful it would be and that med school would "destroy our marriage" and "destroy our family."  These comments were, I'm sure, said with the best of intentions, but were always discouraging.  I will say that our marriage and family are in a BETTER position today than they were last year at this time, despite the challenges and unique schedule and way of life we have had to take on.  And I can say that, now that we've got a year under our belts, we have a much better understanding of the process and what we need to do to continue to make our marriage and family stronger, despite the demanding nature of medical school.

2)  God is good, and has been good to us in so many ways in the past year.  From the way He obviously orchestrated things for Bekah to get in to MSU, to the way He enabled her to excel in her classes while spending less time than the 80 hours a week they said everyone should spend, to the way He worked things out for her to be able to remain in Grand Rapids for her clinical years (MS3 and MS4), to the way He has provided work and income opportunities for me, despite the fact I've now been two and a half years without a full-time job, to the way our kids have had many opportunities to do amazing things and grow and change in each of their situations.  I can only look back on the past year and be thankful for how God has helped us.

3)  I have an amazing wife.  Not only has she done well with her school work, she has kept God and her family at the top of her priority list.  She recently had an opportunity to observe surgery, and came away from that experience for the first time really KNOWING what she wants to do with this medicine thing.  And, since I know her and how she works, she's GOING to do it.  She has an amazing mind, an amazing work ethic, and has given so much to our family in the midst of all of this - I love you, Bekah!

I have no idea where this blog will go next...but hopefully it will continue to be a worthwhile read.  I would offer the following encouragement to anyone who is considering doing something difficult in a situation that seems impossible - if God really wants you to do it, He will make it possible.  And if He makes it possible, He will also work things out so that you can do it well.

Maybe next post I'll talk about my perspective on gender roles.  That's always an interesting topic of discussion, considering that I'm for all practical purposes a house-husband right now.  :)

In the meantime, here's a link to a great recipe I made for the family a couple nights ago...it is currently our new favorite dessert.  :)

http://cookinupnorth.blogspot.com/2011/07/cinnamon-roll-cake.html

The case for homeschooling...and med schooling. At the same time.

Ok, as a former homeschooler, I have always had mixed feelings about the whole world of homeschooling.  It worked out great for me (as a musician, it gave me loads of time to practice), but I've also seen people for whom it didn't work out as well.  But I've seen a number of things in the past year or so that have made me really rethink the whole concept of how and where my children will be educated.

We have three kids in school right now.  One of them needs to be in the school system - Kristen (our oldest adopted child) has some significant learning disabilities, and is thriving in the Rockford Public Schools cognitive impairment classroom.  This class has been fantastic for Kristen and her development.  She has come so far in the past two years of being there, and they are actually allowing her to continue there for another year (even though she is technically supposed to move on to the middle school next year).  We want to spend our time with Kristen helping her to learn the importance of family and relationship, not fighting to try to figure out how to help her learn.  Her special ed teacher is fantastic, and we are thrilled with what she is getting from her school.

However (you knew that was coming, didn't you?), I am less than happy with what's going on with our other two kids and their schools.  Katie (our oldest) is a creative, a very spontaneous yet smart kid (a little like me, but more visual than musical in terms of the creativity).  She rarely if ever brings homework home (she has plenty of time to get it done in class) and is bored with school.  The only things she really seems to like are her electives - band and her special writing class called Myths and Legends.  Plus, the things we hear about and see from the other students in the middle school just make us wonder about the atmosphere there and the kind of people she's around on a daily basis.  She doesn't have any close friends at school to speak of - she prefers to spend time with her friends from church, almost all of whom are home-schooled.  Plus, the schedule is awful.  She has to be on the bus at 6:45 AM (for school that starts at 7:30 AM) and gets home at 3:10PM.  She is not an early riser, and absolutely hates having to be up early every morning.

Daniel (our 8 year old) is at the elementary school that is about a block and a half from our house.  I think I struggle the most with the things I am seeing and hearing from Daniel and his school and classmates.  The most recent thing that waved a huge red flag in my mind was when we were driving to the store and Daniel, out of the blue, said something about somebody having an AK-47 over his shoulder.  Now, Bekah and I have never talked about guns, don't let our kids play (even pretend) with guns, and do not watch tv or movies with the kids - ever - that involve guns like that.  Evidently, Daniel has friends at school who like to play war and guns and talk about that kind of thing all the time.  Daniel is especially impressionable right now, and this incident, combined with some other things that have happened in the past two or three months have really convinced me that I do not want him in this environment right now.

Plus, there is the whole challenge of being locked into the schedule of the public school system...both the daily schedule (having to have kids at the bus at a specific time, meeting them after school, etc.) and the annual schedule (only being able to take vacations when the kids are on break or else pull them out of school).  I don't personally mind pulling them out of school - I mean, what are they really going to miss for that week that we are on a family vacation?  But they get grumpy about it.  And send us letters telling us how many days our kids have missed.  As if we don't know.  And tell us how them missing this much school will keep our kids from making proper progress.  While my oldest is bored out of her mind and my 8 year old is learning about guns and playing war and learning all kinds of nasty things to say to his siblings.

And then there's the whole issue of my wife's schedule.  We want to be able to travel and invest in family time whenever Bekah is off from school.  Which means that we have to take the kids out of school in order to do that.  So we are seriously trying to figure out if we can homeschool in the fall while Bekah is a second year medical student.  I think it can work, and probably better than what we're doing right now.  Especially for the family.  If Bekah has a light day or doesn't have to go in on a particular day, we can take the afternoon and visit a museum, go to the park for a nature walk, etc.  She can do much of her work from home (since all of her lectures are recorded and available online anyway) - so she can do her school while the kids do theirs.  And we can have the flexibility to travel when Bekah has breaks, we won't be tied into a 6:30AM bus stop schedule, and we can make sure our kids are learning how we want them to, away from the kind of influence we want to eliminate in their lives right now.

So on to the usual arguments about home schooling...they won't have any friends / what about their social development?  That's one of the main reasons we want to pull them from the public schools.  Daniel is learning the wrong things from the wrong kind of kids already - and he is only 8 years old!  Katie - well, she's such an independent thing that she is probably never going to even want to be "in" at the school, and as a result, doesn't really care what people think of her.  Both of them have friends at church - Katie in particular - and we would much rather have them plugged into those groups.  We as their parents would much rather be directing their social development, thank you.  We don't need the public school system and the culture / lifestyle / peer group pressure that comes with that system telling our kids how they should think, dress, and act, what they should say and talk about, how they should play, what music / movies / books they should like or not like.

What about extra-curricular activities?  Band, drama, sports?  We don't believe that our kids will miss out here either.  There is an outstanding homeschool band here in Grand Rapids that Katie can play in if she wants to.  Our church has two different co-op groups that I am aware of that offer students opportunities to do advanced science projects, art, and other things like that.  We can also get them involved in MORE other opportunities (like classes at the YMCA, swim lessons, arts opportunities with civic organizations like the Civic Theater and UICA, etc.) and when they get older, they can even do early enrollment for college courses.  Opportunities that do not exist for public school students because of their daily schedules.

And ultimately, it will allow our family to be together more - right now, we are limited by the kids' school schedule a lot more than we are by Bekah's med school schedule.  As crazy as that sounds, it is true - at least in terms of how we would like to do things.

What would that mean for me as the "med school husband"?  Well, it would mean getting to work together with my wife to teach our kids the way we want to.  It will probably mean more work on my part - but it will also mean freedom and flexibility for our whole family.  It will enable us to spend more time together - even if we all "do school" together (Bekah studies or watches lectures while the kids do their school work).  My current situation gives me the flexibility to do this - while still earning enough money to pay the rent and keep the lights on and food on the table.

Am I crazy for thinking this can work?  I don't think so...I am the eternal optimist, but everything I can see adds up to this being a better solution for our family than what we've done this past year.  I think we can prove to the world that we can home school WHILE Bekah's in medical school.  Check with us in a year and find out!  :)

A day in the life...

So, what is it really like in our house right now?

Monday is pretty much our busiest day.  Here's how a typical Monday happens...

6:00 - I wake up, go downstairs, and get some breakfast for myself and Bekah.  Unless she has a test, in which case we've started this at 5:00 AM.  :)  Bekah reads the Bible while she has breakfast.
6:15 - I go into Katie's room and try to wake her up.
6:25 - I go into Katie's room and try to wake her up again.
6:35 - I go into Katie's room and make her get out of bed, since she has most likely fallen back asleep again.
6:45 - Katie rushes out the door to make it to her bus on time.  Bekah is usually in the shower by now.  I have 15 or 20 minutes to read the Bible and prepare myself for the day.
7:10 - I go wake Kristen up for school.  She typically hops right out of bed, as cheerful as can be.
7:15 - I get Daniel up from bed.  Bekah is getting ready to leave for school.  Drew is usually awake by now too.
7:25 or so - Bekah normally leaves for downtown Grand Rapids.  She's gone by 7:00 if she has a test that morning.
7:30 - Daniel, Kristen, and Drew have breakfast.
7:45 - Kristen gets on the bus for school.
8:00 - I walk Daniel down to the bus stop, then get Drew ready to go to preschool.
8:30 - Leave for preschool with Drew.
8:45 - Drop Drew off at preschool, head home to teach piano.
9:00-11:00 - Teach piano lessons.
11:00 - Drive to Calvin College.
11:30-12:20 - Teach a computer class at Calvin College.
12:20 - Drive to pick up Drew, then go to the worship staff meeting at church.
1:00- Worship staff meeting at church.
2:00-2:15ish - head home from worship staff meeting.
3:00 - Katie gets home from school.
3:40 - Kristen comes home from school.
3:45 - Daniel comes home from school.
4:00 - Kids do homework and chores.
4:30 - I make dinner.
5:00-5:15ish - we have dinner.  Bekah's still at school studying.
6:00 - Bekah has a study group at Secchia downtown, and won't be home until 8:00.  We hang out at home, let the kids play for a while, finish homework and chores, and have a little downtime.
7:30-7:45ish - kids get ready for bed and take baths / showers if needed.
8:00 - Read a chapter from our book-of-the-month (currently Fellowship of the Ring) before kids' bedtime.
8:30ish - Bekah gets home from her study group in time to say goodnight to the kiddos.
8:30 - Daniel, Kristen, and Drew head to bed.
9:00 - Katie (theoretically) goes to bed.  Not to sleep, mind you, just to bed.
9:00 - Bekah and I have some downtime together to talk, have a snack, watch a show on TV if we want to, or just hang out together.
10:00 - Katie is still awake, reading or drawing or playing Angry Birds on her ipod.  Go upstairs and tell her to go to sleep.
10:30 - Bekah and I typically head upstairs for bed.  Our goal is to try to get to sleep by 11:00.  It actually happens once in a while.  :)

This is what a typical Monday looks like in the Wakeman house.  Not every day of the week is quite this full, but most are.  They are just different - Tuesdays I teach at Aquinas in the morning, but don't have anything in the afternoon; Thursdays I have no teaching outside the house, but end up doing doctor appointments, dentist appointments, and stuff like that with the kids. I'm gone to church most Thursday nights for rehearsal, and the kids come with me while Bekah usually has something happening at school.  Bekah sometimes comes home in the afternoons to study / hang out with Drew and see the kids - if her schedule allows it.  It all depends on what small group she has, what test she is currently studying for, etc.

Do I mind this craziness?  No, not really.  While things are crazy and hectic, and it never feels like there is enough time, having a full schedule like this makes the time FLY by.  I actually find that I am enjoying my life...and I love being able to support my wife in her endeavor to pursue her dream of becoming a doctor.

The ultimate key, in my mind, to making all this work?  Trusting God for strength and wisdom, and working hard to change my heart to reflect how I believe He wants me to do things.  Flexibility and a willingness to break away from a lot of the stereotypes of what "typical" family life is / should be like, while still making sure that we have opportunities to invest in our family.  That's going to be the topic of my next blog post - what are we doing with our family to help make this work?  I feel like it is working (most of the time), but it requires a lot of "out of the box" thinking...details forthcoming!

The politics of medicine vs. the role of the church...

So this has been on my mind and on my heart a lot lately...especially with the campaign stuff going on and all the talk about Obama-care and Romney-care and the Republican candidates vowing to repeal the Obama health-care bill.

It's pretty evident, even to me, that there's a problem with healthcare in our nation.  It seems to be a highly polarizing issue, no matter what age group, political party, or even religious point of view you come from.  Some of the questions that I hear debated include:

Should everyone have access to healthcare, whether or not they can pay for it?

Should only those who have a lot of money (the "rich" or the "1%") foot the bill for everyone else?

Should Uncle Sam pay for everything?

Should only those who are able to get insurance through their employers or some other means (paying out of pocket if self-employed, or through a government program) be able to get basic things like well-child visits, regular checkups and routine tests (i.e. pap smears, mamograms, bloodwork, etc.) on a regular basis?

What about specialists?  How can someone with no insurance (or very limited insurance) be able to handle specialist care?  Or long-term hospitalization?

I know people who are unemployed (or who are employed and, like myself, don't get insurance through their employer).  I know that I, personally, don't go to the doctor as often as perhaps I should because of the cost involved - and I have insurance (that I've paid for).  How much more difficult must it be for those who have no insurance to maintain even a modicum of preventative health care when a basic checkup at the doctor is billed at around $100 or more!

Our son recently broke his arm.  After looking at all of the bills from the ER, the orthopedic office that took care of his cast and after care, and everything, we would have been out over $3500 if we had NOT had insurance.  For a typical middle-to-low class family, that kind of money is not something that is just laying around!

Now, I consider myself a conservative politically and socially.  I admit, I listen to Rush and Hannity and occasionally Glenn Beck.  However, I am growing tired of their constant rhetoric about healthcare and insurance - it seems all they typically do is complain about how Obama is ruining the system by having the government take it over.  I don't hear a lot of solutions from them (or anyone else on the political "right") other than "let's repeal Obamacare".  Romney is even saying that, yet his state's healthcare bill is essentially a carbon copy of Obamacare - or maybe Obamacare is a carbon copy of Romney's bill.  Either way, I would love to hear solutions - solutions that don't break the bank, that don't force the country into even more debt, and that don't pigeon-hole doctors into practicing according to even more government regulations (as if they don't have enough already!).

Enter the church.  What is the church doing about any of this?  SHOULD the church be doing something about it?  Or is that just a social gospel pipe dream that isn't part of a proper evangelical Christian perspective?

Scripture is pretty clear in its instructions to the church about caring for the poor...but somewhere along the way, the government stepped in with its various safety nets - social security, medicare / medicaid, welfare, food stamps, etc.  IF the church had been doing its job appropriately (i.e. caring for the poor, the people in the church giving appropriately, etc.) there would not have been a need for many of the government programs that are currently in place and sucking the life out of our economy.

Should the church get into the healthcare business?  That's not what I am advocating.  I just think it bears consideration that the people who should be the most sensitive to the needs of the poor and less fortunate, the people who are called to care for them and reach out to them with the love of Christ, are often those most vocal against the government programs that are trying to care for these same folks, yet they themselves do not reach out, contribute, or make an effort to help solve the problem.

Our pastor once said that if everyone who attended our church simply tithed (that is, gave 10% of their income), the church would never have a budget problem and would have a significant surplus of funds with which to reach out and help the community.  Statistics show that the typical church-goer gives between 2 and 4% of his income.

Why is it that the non-government agencies and organizations that are trying to help the poor with food, shelter, and medical care are constantly scrambling for funds?  Bekah worked for a clinic in downtown Grand Rapids for the uninsured.  A ministry, supported by donations and grants with very few paid staff and many Christian doctors and other medical professionals donating their time and energy.  Yet, the organization was struggling to be able to raise funds to expand its services - while they constantly had a waiting list for people wanting to become new patients because they had lost their insurance.

If those same conservatives crying for the end of Obamacare could maybe look at organizations like Health Intervention Services as solutions to the problem, and could put their money where their mouth is, perhaps we would see less of a need for government regulation and control of healthcare.

I don't have answers - probably just a whole lot more questions, especially now that Bekah's involved in the medical profession - but it sure seems like the system is broken.  I would love to see some productive thought coming from conservatives in positions to be able to make a difference.  I would love to hear how we can fix healthcare - WITHOUT a government takeover.

One final thought...Bekah came home recently and told me about a presentation she saw in one of her med school classes.  The presentation discussed the average life expectancy in developed nations, and pointed out that the United States is actually BEHIND many of the deloped nations in the world in life expectancy - including Canada, Great Britain, Switzerland, and a couple more of the European nations.  All of whom have universal healthcare in some form or another.  And all of whom are NOT necessarily considered Christian nations.  We constantly hear horror stories about "death panels" and people waiting months (or years) for surgery or specialist care in these situations, but the statistics show that somehow, what those other nations are doing is working better than our system right now.  And the US is supposed to be the world's largest "Christian" nation.  Something is wrong with that picture...

I would love to hear thoughts on this issue.  I believe that it is important...especially in light of what's happening with the upcoming elections.

Until next time...

Blue food coloring, schizphrenic amino acids, and my first blog post...

So here it is...I'm starting a blog. Hopefully I have something interesting to say and people will want to read it. Maybe, maybe not - but that isn't really the point, is it? If what I share here matters, makes you smile, or even just gives you a little bit of a different perspective on family, doctors and the medical profession, being a dad, or breaking stereotypes, then that's all the better.

These posts will probably be pretty random on occasion - perhaps pithy and meaningful sometimes, amusing, thought provoking (but not too much) - but mostly random. This one is definitely going to be random, with some overall thoughts about my first five months or so of being married to a med student.

One of the last things I ever expected when thinking about Bekah being in medical school was for her to come home one night and excitedly start putting drops of blue food coloring onto each of our kids' tongues, so that we could all see the patterns of each others' taste buds. But there we were, everyone with blue tongues, sticking them all out and even taking pictures of them so we could see them better and compare them with each other. Everyone thought this was quite entertaining, to say the least.

I have to say that my knowledge of obscure medical things has also increased dramatically. I learned, in the first couple weeks while she was studying biochemistry, that we have schizophrenic amino acids. I have no idea what this means, but that's exactly what the lecturer she was listening to talked about for about ten or fifteen minutes. I also recently got to watch a video of a white blood cell chasing a bacteria around in someone's blood stream until it finally caught it and ate it. Pretty cool stuff! (available on Youtube - check it out here)

I am a musician; creative and disorganized by nature. I'm not good with remembering details and facts and figures - give me a creative problem to solve and I'll kick its butt, but when I look at what she has to deal with on a daily basis...the first two weeks of this semester her physiology course went through 300+ pages of their coursepack for just the first exam of the semester. And none of it is easy stuff - most of the things I heard and read as she was studying seemed more like a foreign language to me. My respect for what doctors have to learn and how they have to be able to think has increased a thousand fold just from watching her do this.

As has my thinking about the whole field of medicine and healthcare.  For a long time, I was pretty much a wholesale conservative, going along with most everything the typical conservative voices had to say about healthcare...but my perspective is changing.  Do I like Obamacare?  No, but it sure seems to me like SOMETHING needs to be done to fix it.  If the church was doing its job, none of this would be an issue, of course - maybe that's a topic for another whole blog post...

All of this being said - here I am, doing stuff that most guys wouldn't want to do, so that she can be able to pursue her dream and God's calling in her life. Thankfully, God has left us in a position where we are able to make this work.  I get to do laundry, coupon, grocery shop and cook for the family, serve as taxi for the kids to get where they need to go, clean the house, make doctor and dentist appointments, etc.  Because I want my dear wife to be able to focus her formidable mind on her studies and her calling, not the details of running our house.

And I like what I'm doing right now.  I still get to be creative (I do, after all, work as music director for my church, which involves a lot of evening and weekend time at the church, as well as working on creative things from my electronic music studio in my basement), I still get to teach a bit (I am actually teaching a course for three different colleges this semester), and I get to spend a lot of time with my little 4-year-old guy.

And I get to watch my wife's eyes light up when she tells me about the obscure medical fact of the week, or the inside joke from her study group.  I get to stay up late with her when she is studying for an exam.  And I get to enjoy watching her become who she is supposed to be.

Watch for future blog posts concerning such topics as breaking down stereotypes, weird looks I get from cashiers in the grocery store, and couponing.  Yes, couponing.

Thanks for reading...